Wormburner Weekly

Welcome to the fifth issue of Wormburner Weekly. We got an oh so close missed chance at a Fed-Ex playoff spot, a tiny Godzilla rampaging roughshod over the course, and somehow the Mush Master did it again, ugh, while Matsuyama refuses to go down. Let’s get into it!

PGA Recap

Michael Brennan won the Wyndham Championship, and if that name sounds familiar it's because he'd been auditioning for this moment for weeks. He made the final groups at the 3M Open and the final groups at the Rocket Classic, with closing rounds of 73 and 74 to show for it. I guess the third time really was the charm for Michael. Brennan and Beau Hossler started Sunday tied at 16 under, and by the time Brennan finished ripping off five straight birdies on holes 4 through 8, each one with a putt from inside 8 feet, the tournament was basically over before the back nine even started. He closed with a 64, finished 22 under, tied the course scoring record at Sedgefield, and won by three. Kudos Mr. Brennan!

Beau Hossler had the tougher day, and not just because of a certain toddler (see Worm of the Week for more on that). He needed a win, just a win, to sneak into the FedEx Cup Playoffs for the first time in his career. He shot 65. He tied for the lead entering Sunday. He walked off with a solo second, a 54-hole lead that he couldn’t convert into a title, and a season that's now officially over. That’s a heartbreaking way to close out 250-plus career starts still searching for win number one. I’d say I can sympathize with ya big fella, but I’m more likely to not only see Halley’s Comet again (due in 2061), but actually ride it around the earth, then to play golf at the level you can swing them wrenches. Not a chance. Next time Beau. There’s always next time.

And then there's Brooks Koepka, who did not have a Michael Brennan kind of week. Koepka missed the postseason entirely and did not sugarcoat it afterward, calling his season "pretty pathetic" and admitting he needs to "go home and completely reevaluate everything." Zero top 10’s in two years from a five-time major champion. Oof. I remember when I had zero top 10’s in my fifth grade spelling bee’s, it stung man 🤨. You I can sympathize with Brooksy.

Worm of the Week

This week's trophy is going somewhere it has never gone before. Not to a golfer. Not a caddie. Not even to a heckler in the gallery. This week's Worm goes to a two-year-old.

Beau Hossler was leading the Wyndham Championship. Storms rolled in. He did exactly what he was supposed to do. He marked his ball with a white flag in the rough on 18 and started heading for the clubhouse. That's when a tenacious toddler, no older than two, ducked under the gallery rope like she'd trained for it her whole tiny life, waddled onto the course, and planted her tiny wittle foot directly on the spot marking a professional golfer's ball in the final round of a PGA Tour event.

Hossler watched the whole thing happen. There was nothing to do but stand there and witness the two-foot terror casually erase the exact lie he needed preserved, in the middle of trying to win his first career title.

The rules official believed him, which, to be fair, is not the kind of story you conjure up. Hossler got relief to a lie matching what it looked like before the trample. He found the green, two-putted for par, signed for a 66, and somehow still walked away tied for the lead heading into Sunday.

The kid faces no fine, no penalty, no jail time, and no consequences whatsoever. I hope Mom or Dad save a video for the future or she'll never know the drama she introduced to the Wyndham Chamionship. Winston the Worm, however, will never forget. Maybe Mom or Dad subscribes to Wormburner Weekly and can clip this issue for her digital time capsule…Congrats on the trophy youngin’. You are in rare company.

Chili Dip Golf Tip

Lies Above and Below Your Feet

We all occasionally find ourselves standing on a slope, ball nowhere near flat, staring down a shot the driving range never prepared us for. The good news is, this one's fixable (ok, mildly improvable) with about ten seconds of adjustment instead of ten years of lessons.

Ball above your feet : This produces a natural tendency to pull the ball left (or right for left handers like me) The ball is closer to you than normal, which effectively causes the clubface to be closed, or turned towards you, at impact. Choke down an inch, aim a touch right of your target, and let the slope do what it's going to do.

Ball below your feet : The opposite problem. You're farther from the ball than your body thinks, so the tendency is to push it right as the club face is more open at impact (or worse, you thin it completely trying to reach it, which leads to more strokes, which leads to more stress, which leads to needing to play more golf to relieve the stress, which leads to you spending your children’s college fund on greens fees, which leads to divorce. So I just saved you a bunch of money in lawyer’s fees alone. You, my friend, are most welcome). Flex your knees a little more, stay down through the shot, and aim slightly left. This lie is the tougher of the two. Due to the awkwardness of this position and the natural tendency to bend over at the waist and reach, as opposed to bending/flexing the knees, watch out for that lower back. But flex the knee if you can remember. You’re not Ned Stark, it’s ok to bend the knee here. Unless you see a dragon. I did once on the 15th at a club in the desert in Scottsdale. I ‘accidentally’ licked a strange toad before that round started, but I swear that had nothing to do with the dragon. His name was Smog. I think he flew in from LA. I digress…

One rule for both, swing easier than you think you need to. Slopes amplify mistakes. A smooth 80% swing beats a violent 100% every time you're not standing on flat ground, which on most courses is more often than anyone wants to admit. Think above/pulls and below/pushes. I, being the type that forgets everything, need devices for learning and so I think above is up-pulley’s pull up and below is down-bullies push down. That may be that toad talkin’ again though.

Today in Golf History

On this date in 1991, John Daly won the PGA Championship at Crooked Stick. He was the ninth alternate. NINTH. He got the call because someone else pulled out, and he was the closest guy willing to drive through the night to get there. He had never played a single practice round on the course. Most guys would've been rattled. Long John showed up, saw the golf course for the first time in his life, and figured the best strategy was to hit the ball as hard as humanly possible and deal with the consequences later.

The consequences were a major championship.

He led the field in driving distance by a country mile, hit bombs nobody at Crooked Stick had ever seen off those tees, and won by three strokes over Bruce Lietzke. No practice round. No local knowledge. No fear, apparently, of anything at all (other than possibly where his next adult beverage was coming from).

Golf is a game of preparation, course management, and patience. John Daly heard all of that and said, hard pass, grip it and rip it, and a legend was born. I know you can’t see the stains dotting the notebook, from the tears dripping from my eyes as I write about the origins of this mythical creature named Daly, but trust me, they are there. Sweet Baby Jesus, I love this game.

Winston the Worm has never respected a man more.

The Degen Den

Well once again I managed to forget to actually enter my lineup. I had it picked out and just forgot to hit enter. I tend to get more involved with the writing so henceforth after this week, we shall simply share screenshots of both the completed tournament’s lineup and the future tournamnet’s lineup, after official entry. I’ll add some color and that will be it. For now I will just recap my performance that never was: Matsuyama keeps his made cut streak alive and finishes T7. Is he impervious to the Mush? We’ll see this week. R. Hojgaard finished Tied for 49th, C. Young finished T61, “captain’ Chris Kirk T72. Hisatsune and my man Blades Brown got mushed and missed the cut. Sorry boys. Blades, maybe Wesley Snipes can play you in the movie as a vampire offing golfer?

For the FedEx St. Jude Championship: Matsuyama for obvious reasons, Scheffler gots to be feelin’ it, let’s see if Hisatsune can redeem himself, I like R. Castillo this week because his low price offsets the Scheffler cost, I’m diggin' on Ryan Gerard, he’s been runner up 3 times this season, and to finish it I’m feelin’ Fowler which leaves $100 to spare for a dozen hot dogs at the turn for me and all my slackin’, hackin’ pals!

P.S. I just hit enter on the big contest. Boom.

Disclaimer: These picks are provided purely for entertainment purposes. If you gamble, don’t gamble. If you don’t gamble, carry on wise one.

Golf Joke of the Week

Why do golfers always carry two pairs of pants?

In case they get a hole in one. 😃